Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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