Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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