At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
