How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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