I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I want is dick and wine.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
