I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
