Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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