It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
