you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
