Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
