my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
