Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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