omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
