...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
