Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
