New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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