I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
