so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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