I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
