the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
