Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
