is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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