I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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