Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
this boner is exhausting
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
