I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
