Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize