Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize