It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
