Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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