I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
