Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
