then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
