just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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