Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
True strength comes from lack of pants
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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