I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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