....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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