Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
