Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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