I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
