keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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