she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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