just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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