I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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