just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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