i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
