I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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