dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
