And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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