I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
