It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
