sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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