ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You should frame my arrest warrant.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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