my soul wont recognize me after tonight
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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