Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
