do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The power of my boobs compel you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
