Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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