you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
