I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
