I have demons in me.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We have started to decorate penises.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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