i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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