Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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