too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
