Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
