idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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