Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
