you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
