For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
