another moral hangover. fuck.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize