I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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