just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
