I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
