Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
