She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
