is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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