to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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