About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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