R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
