I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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