Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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