Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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