I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
