is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
