i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
