Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
