oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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