Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
