My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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