you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
