Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
