capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
