Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
