I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
