he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
