That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
